I have friends who'd get scorned if they don't stand in the top few ranks in the class. And here I get (positively) rewarded for finally managing to get an 8.(Let me add that I didn't quite have an academic background that you'd call 'bad' as such.) So, anyway, I sit here with my notebooks lying unattended beside this keyboard thinking what better a day to squeeze in another blog post than the day before the midsems begin.
Given the amount of freedom and resources I get for enhancing my growth potential, I should be condemned for not utilising them to the fullest extent. I get backed up more than most of my mates. I am free to introduce any new system in the family. I'm free to put my views forth and I am free to think that they'd be given equal regard to those of every other member. But given all this, I can't form a clear picture as to how I should go about having all the privileges. (I know I'm abstracting a little too much again, but I can't help it. Comes naturally.) Might be a time-dependent issue again, but recent issues have made it clear that things can't be kept aside thinking they'll happen when they have to happen - which means I should be thinking whatever I am thinking and that whatever occurs as a result of my thinking should occur. How much it complies with the ideal pathway is left undetermined.
It is at this level that the actual complication begins. Not at the meta level, not even the meta meta level, but somewhere just beyond the meta meta level. I know I'm speaking childish crap, and you're most welcome to quit reading because thinking of your inconvenience/inability to walk parallel to the thought process has made me lose half the picture of what I was about to state when I started writing this post. So, anyway, in case you're still reading, the confusion I'm talking about relates to the cycles we observe in thinking processes. I say that at thinking level X there is some bit that is left undetermined, say A, but I venture into determining it. That takes me to level Y wherein I determine A, but now A becomes specific to X and something more meta - B - arises in Y. The problem is, getting back to X at this point is pointless because A would seem hollow as long as B is undetermined. So, I need to determine B while telling myself that A has been determined. The cycle continues. And the way thoughts and memories intermingle, it's difficult to prevent the mind from getting carried away at times.
It is here that I'd like to make a point about (my) social relations. Most of the time when I start discussing something apparently trivial with people, they tend to assume that I haven't cooked the thought enough in my head before presenting it. They start bringing up propositions from level X when I'm stuck at Y. Now, if I try telling them that I'm at Y and they ask me anything about A(the undetermined), my answers would not be convincing enough because I don't know B. Thus, I have a natural tendency to isolate myself from debates. (Me proving anything about myself should be a contradiction, but let's not get into all that at the moment, please.)
I now restate that I don't know how exactly to go about exploiting all the privileges I get in my life. If I could convince myself that I know how to do the same without getting to the meta level(tell myself I know A without going to Y), things would start seeming to work fine because the actual A is immaterial as long as one's not going meta. That is, whatever one does without considering anything is valid. And once it materializes, it makes sense on account of its reality. There's a couple more theories coming in here, so I'd like to finish off now.
Will get back to them later. Thanks if you reached this far! I know it can be a wild goose chase at times, but I seriously have no words for consolation. If have been crazy or stupid to write this crap, you've been equally so to continue reading it till this point. :P
Cheers!
Given the amount of freedom and resources I get for enhancing my growth potential, I should be condemned for not utilising them to the fullest extent. I get backed up more than most of my mates. I am free to introduce any new system in the family. I'm free to put my views forth and I am free to think that they'd be given equal regard to those of every other member. But given all this, I can't form a clear picture as to how I should go about having all the privileges. (I know I'm abstracting a little too much again, but I can't help it. Comes naturally.) Might be a time-dependent issue again, but recent issues have made it clear that things can't be kept aside thinking they'll happen when they have to happen - which means I should be thinking whatever I am thinking and that whatever occurs as a result of my thinking should occur. How much it complies with the ideal pathway is left undetermined.
It is at this level that the actual complication begins. Not at the meta level, not even the meta meta level, but somewhere just beyond the meta meta level. I know I'm speaking childish crap, and you're most welcome to quit reading because thinking of your inconvenience/inability to walk parallel to the thought process has made me lose half the picture of what I was about to state when I started writing this post. So, anyway, in case you're still reading, the confusion I'm talking about relates to the cycles we observe in thinking processes. I say that at thinking level X there is some bit that is left undetermined, say A, but I venture into determining it. That takes me to level Y wherein I determine A, but now A becomes specific to X and something more meta - B - arises in Y. The problem is, getting back to X at this point is pointless because A would seem hollow as long as B is undetermined. So, I need to determine B while telling myself that A has been determined. The cycle continues. And the way thoughts and memories intermingle, it's difficult to prevent the mind from getting carried away at times.
It is here that I'd like to make a point about (my) social relations. Most of the time when I start discussing something apparently trivial with people, they tend to assume that I haven't cooked the thought enough in my head before presenting it. They start bringing up propositions from level X when I'm stuck at Y. Now, if I try telling them that I'm at Y and they ask me anything about A(the undetermined), my answers would not be convincing enough because I don't know B. Thus, I have a natural tendency to isolate myself from debates. (Me proving anything about myself should be a contradiction, but let's not get into all that at the moment, please.)
I now restate that I don't know how exactly to go about exploiting all the privileges I get in my life. If I could convince myself that I know how to do the same without getting to the meta level(tell myself I know A without going to Y), things would start seeming to work fine because the actual A is immaterial as long as one's not going meta. That is, whatever one does without considering anything is valid. And once it materializes, it makes sense on account of its reality. There's a couple more theories coming in here, so I'd like to finish off now.
Will get back to them later. Thanks if you reached this far! I know it can be a wild goose chase at times, but I seriously have no words for consolation. If have been crazy or stupid to write this crap, you've been equally so to continue reading it till this point. :P
Cheers!
